Uncharted territory.

4 June, 2008 at 2:35 pm 5 comments

We’ve entered uncharted territory: a fight with the flatmate.

Over the last few days I’ve come to realize a very fundamental part of myself and Sybille.

It is in my nature to give in, always. I think maybe this has to do with being a big sister, which involves the ability to recognize when someone is less mature than myself, and the patience to let them grow in their own time. I think it maybe has something to do with my dislike of conflicts or confrontations of any kind.

On the other hand, it is in Sybille’s nature to take, always. And I would always give in, because I couldn’t be bothered to disagree, and all this worked fine for over a year, we had amusing times and got along great. The kitchen was always kept clean, the living room was filled with things she wanted to buy at Ikea (all of which I paid half for) and the hallway was filled with pictures of her and her friends (which I thought was narcissistic, but couldn’t be bothered minding). We still became good friends; she could always count on me to check her essays or lend a supportive ear, and I would always have someone to watch Desperate Housewives with. All was fine, until a misunderstanding last Saturday triggered in me a great wave of all the things she did that annoyed me, followed by a deafening pang of I-am-so-stupid-for-taking-all-that-crap.

On Saturday night, she wanted to go to a birthday party. But before that, she wanted to get a pizza and a dvd. We had Mariam and Chris over. I paid half for the pizza (because if I hadn’t, she wouldn’t have gotten it, even though I didn’t want it, classic Nadia Giving In Scenario) and after a “discussion” at the video store, we came to a “unanimous decision” to get a particular movie, which of course she’d wanted all along.

All was fine; the movie was watched, the pizza was eaten. And then she decided she didn’t want to go to the birthday party alone.

She asked Mariam (the second most anti-social person on the planet, after me) to go with her. Mariam didn’t want to, but said she would if I went as well. Better to be anti-social together, maybe. So Sybille asked (by which I mean not the least bit politely) me to go.

Since Chris was over and she had canceled her own plans that night to hang out, I thought it was incredibly unfair that Sybille had asked me or Mariam in the first place, at the very last minute before she wanted to leave.

Now, if it was aaaanyone else, this wouldn’t be a big deal. Anyone else would ask half-heartedly, maybe out of politeness, Heyy do you wanna go to this party? No? Okay then, see ya later!

But because it was Sybille, it was a matter of What It Means To Be A Good Friend. Come with me to this party! Pleeeease! I know you don’t like parties and don’t even know the person whose birthday it is, but you have to, HAVE to come with me because That’s What Friends Do! PLEEAAAASE?!

I said no anyway. But because Mariam had agreed, I didn’t want her to suffer alone. So I reached a pursed-lips-compromise with Chris; she would work on the computer, I’d go along to the party and be back in a couple of hours.

I’d already gotten dressed, and then Sybille, in a hissy fit, suddenly called Mariam and told her that I didn’t want to go and she didn’t have to either. “It’s fiiine,” she said, in a most victimly manner, “I can go by myself.”

And then, as if we had done something wrong, “It’s supposed to be a fun night, not one (whines) full of drama.”

Like, hello? Excuse me? As if we had ruined her night?

—–

And this just annoyed me so much we’ve barely spoken ever since. I’ve mostly been out of the house, at friends’ places, on their couches. Two days ago I went home, said hello and she said hi, very curtly. Eventually I asked if she’s mad at me. She said yes, but she wanted to talk about it tomorrow (Tuesday).

I knew her boyfriend was coming over on Tuesday and we probably won’t talk, so I opted to leave the house again.

Yesterday I sent her an email explaining my side of the story and detailing most the things that upset me.

I don’t like being expected to be available for her every whim. I don’t like being told to clean the kitchen. I don’t like being made uncomfortable in my own home. I don’t mind the pictures, the traces-of-Sybille everywhere (her calendar in the kitchen, her pictures on the walls) but then don’t remove my things from the dining table and put them in my room, just because you happen to be cleaning at the time. I don’t mind your loud (bad hip-hop) music in the afternoons but then don’t tell me to turn down my music. I don’t mind you using my slippers without asking– hold, on.. actually, I DO mind, very much. And for gawdssake get your own reading lamp.

—–

I sent her the email, she hasn’t replied, and I hate the idea of going home tonight, but I kinda have to.

I kinda have to go back to the apartment tonight, because I have an interview tomorrow.

The interview is for a media internship program, launched by a branch of government, and if successful, I will be working in a journalistic role, under supervision in a mainstream media outlet.

The interview will be conducted by a panel of five, consisting of senior management professionals from four big media organizations.

I kinda hyperventilate every time I think about it.

Watch me get so nervous I can’t sleep, and then show up to the interview with bloodshot eyes, possibly stopping at every bathroom on the way to throw up.

Argh.

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Entry filed under: friends, work.

What rejection does to your morale… The interview.

5 Comments Add your own

  • 1. pb  |  5 June, 2008 at 10:25 am

    in a way, i have that ‘give in’ trait (but then, i still bicker with my sisters…i suppose give in thing is a practiced trait in the family/siblings unit, but we do it with people outside of family..hehe)

    there always is a limit to things. hope it works out ok though.

  • 2. elisa  |  8 June, 2008 at 2:24 am

    ahhh.. the first lovers’ spat.
    Well, look at it this way – You’l never get to any place new if you dont venture into unchartered territory. You think Vasco De Gama would get anywhere if he didnt have the guts to stand up for himself and press on?
    So things will either get better (and you’ll have a better friendship), or it will go down the drain (and you’ll get a new roomate, and perhaps a better friendship).
    I really hope it’s the former. I think it will be the former.

    Good luck with the interview.
    Or should I ask “How did it go?” instead?

    p/s you know what, I think my kak long has the same personality malady.

  • 3. aie  |  9 June, 2008 at 5:58 am

    *waves* remember me? hehe! i hope u’ll be fine. i once had a kinda big argument (more like cold war) with my roomie back in college in msia.. n now we are buddies again and live in the same house here in melben.. hehe! so elisa is right.. either way it’s all good.

  • 4. nuttynadia  |  9 June, 2008 at 11:28 am

    pb: i think it’s a default trait, comes with being an older child. tapi with your own siblings you won’t hesitate to bicker and stuff kan sebab you default menang jugak, being a ‘kaklong’..

    elisa: thankyous for your comment.. for now i am just riding out the storm. the interview was alright… (warning: long detailed post ahead :P)

    aie: aaaiiieeee! long time no see! good to know you and your roomie are buddies again.. gives me hope, that. 🙂

  • 5. aie  |  9 June, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    u neva called me aie.. ahaha! ouh.. i forgot to say the foolish ‘cold war’ lasted *count fingers* almost 2 years.. hehe.. but worth the wait. now we are close more than ever.

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